Sawing a log
Carol Blotter • January 29, 2022
Have you ever had “one of those days” where it feels like it’s just one thing after another? A friend had started a new job in a new industry. Flying home from a trip, they discovered someone had stolen their car from the airport parking lot. When they got back to their newly purchased home which was finally almost complete with its renovation – dust and old nails everywhere – they discovered it had developed a leak from the new roof and the plaster ceiling had soaked through. AND they might have been exposed to COVID and had developed a severe head cold. Sometimes life happens like that.
Right now, maybe for you it’s just the exhaustion of the pandemic. Or a troubled relative. Or work. Or the environment. Or…
Whatever it is, that “something” gets your heart going, your mind going and you just can’t let go. You can’t find calm anywhere. When that happens, you might try thinking about the act of sawing a log.
When you are sawing a log, your attention is at the spot where the log and saw meet. You need to have focus there in order to ensure a clean cut, to maintain pressure and ensure the cut is close to what you expect. At the same time, your awareness covers the whole saw since you don't want to pull the teeth off the log and you don't want the saw stuck. In the same manner, you have awareness of the log so it doesn't roll or slip unexpectedly. (Sometimes it slips no matter what you do but awareness of the log eases the surprise.)
Both attention and awareness. Some call it narrow attention and open awareness, both held in the mind.
If an unexpected situation arises that needs our attention, we often narrow our awareness to the point where that one situation is all we are aware of. If it is unpleasant or disruptive, it can get so big we cannot see it clearly and can’t appreciate the context in which it is happening in. Besides the physical and mental reactions and the stories that proliferate, possible other solutions and alternatives don’t seem to be apparent when we are so focused. We are locked into narrow attention and sometimes it can be overwhelming.
In letting awareness expand, the importance of the situation and its detail is not minimized though the intensity may be softened. And in that softening, we potentially can create some space around the situation. Relaxing a bit, we may discover other opportunities. Or, perhaps this is the time the log slids. Sometimes we have no control over that. Yet that open awareness does present ways of reacting to the slid without losing perspective. After all, we still are here to experience it.
Try to stop, take a breath and open your awareness. Go quickly through the five senses – what are you seeing, hearing and so forth. Notice the feelings and sensations in the body. Notice the state of the mind. Take a moment to be grateful for something.
Then notice that there are always alternative ways of being. There are always things to be grateful for. Let that moment of noticing lighten your journey.
I love the parable of an elephant and three blind men. I’m sure you all know it. Each man touches a different part of the elephant and describes it based on his limited perspective. One touches the leg and declares an elephant is like a tree trunk. Another grabs the tail and “knows” an elephant is like a rope. The third holds an ear and says an elephant is like a fan. Each is “right” from their perspective. People argue and fight over what is true. They fail to acknowledge that their individual "truths" are only part of a larger reality. Their truth is not the whole truth. To grasp the whole truth, an integration of different viewpoints, experiences and perceptions helps. When we hold on to a single, narrow view, we are unable to see reality clearly. Being curious and listening to other’s views opens our own vision. For example, someone did something unskillful in the past and you don’t like them. One action does not make the whole person! Do you approach them as if it does? It’s not to condone behavior but perhaps to be willing to open to a different view. Or you meet with friends from the past. Not only do you have different memories of the past – each of you having highlighted a different piece of the event in your minds – but also you hold different expectations of each other in the present. How can you see who is in front of you while holding onto a view of the past? How often do you approach the next moment with true clarity? In Pali, the language used to document the Buddha’s initial teaching, Vipassana means “seeing clearly”. It’s more than just mindfulness or sitting meditation. It is also investigating the true nature of all phenomenon; impermanent, unsatisfactory and not-self. It’s understanding the role that feeling, perception, memory and thought play in coloring reality. And so much more. Ultimately, seeing clearly is often more than just Buddhism. Many other traditions offer different strategies to see the truth. The truth is multi-faceted and the integration of other paths can help deepen wisdom. A daylong meditation retreat offers an opportunity to investigate what might be coloring your view, to name one “elephant” that might be obscuring your sight. At the same time, the retreat space offers time in nature to enjoy the woods, a lake and quiet spaciousness. It offers a time to refresh ourselves and as the mind quiets, we can see more clearly.
Silence is something that comes from your heart, not from outside. Silence doesn’t mean not talking and not doing things; it means that you are not disturbed inside. If you’re truly silent, then no matter what situation you find yourself in, you can enjoy the silence. - Thich Nhat Hanh “Silence is not merely negative – the pause between words, a temporary cessation of speech – but, properly understood, it is highly positive: an attitude of attentive alertness, of vigilance, and above all of listening.” - Archimandrite Kallistos Ware “We need silence, not to escape from ourselves but to know the foundation, the roots, the tendencies of our true nature. There is in us a zone where noise and tumult have no place, and a zone where everything reverberates. When we try to return to the inner, vital zone, it is not to cancel the noise. We do not make use of our moments of collectedness as a retreat. Inner silence is comparable to a light that reveals what is in the shadows, reveals our mechanicality. When we deeply relax, our attention unglues itself little by little from our preoccupations, our identifications. It moves, gropingly, toward the zone of silence… During the experience of inner silence, if thoughts appear, they pass as if upon a screen. Our emotions are short-lived movements that do not carry us toward externals. Our moments of inner openness are linked to the silence.” - Alphonse Osbert “Do not worship silence, but that to which the silence leads.” - Tom Rothschild “Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself. - Herman Hesse
Dukkha is a Pali word that is usually translated as suffering. It covers a wide range of experiences from slight irritation through boredom to extreme cases of suffering. The Buddha, in his teachings, emphasized the cause of dukkha and the release from dukkha. One way to look at the cause of suffering is that we want this present moment to be different than it is and our thoughts about that desire become a story. Our stories of what did happen, what is happening and what we want to happen color the present moment; the stories color reality; they color our true heart. We aren’t present. If something is beautiful, we may not appreciate it fully. If something is hurtful or unpleasant, we react from emotion and memory instead of moving towards what we value in life. We believe most of our thoughts and stories and aren’t even aware of how often we think of them. We are so addicted to thinking that we don’t even know when we are doing it. And we are causing ourselves suffering each time! My suggestion? What worked for me was super sticky Post-It notes all through the house that say, “STOP YOUR THOUGHTS NOW”. Trust the possibility that the thoughts will lessen. As they do, the mind isn’t so full. Our hearts can arise to see and lead us into new ways of interacting with the world. Meditation helps, not only the formal practice but an informal practice every waking moment. Stop, breathe, continue - and notice the thoughts stopped.
The Buddha encouraged his followers to take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. Refuge points to a time to rest and take a breath. It’s a time to rejuvenate and gather the strength to step back on the path, to take the next step. It’s a place to feel safe, to feel heard and to be authentic. We take refuge in the Buddha. Not in the man but in all those who are awakened. They are everywhere and we don’t know it because they don’t act any differently. They work, eat and sleep just like regular people. The only difference is “Buddhas” realize their identity with the ultimate reality while most do not. We take refuge because they demonstrate that this is possible for each of us. Every person can do this. They give us hope, courage and clarity. We aren’t idolizing or worshipping them. We learn from their lives, their presence, their speech, and their teachings. That learning isn’t work; it just rubs off on us as we allow ourselves to drink from the deep well of Presence that they embody. We take refuge in the Dharma, the teachings of the Buddha and others. The teachings arise in our thoughts and behaviors and inform us how to see clearly. They help us learn to break through the many stories and illusions we hold. We see that those stories are not essential to who we truly are. In taking refuge in the Dharma, we open ourselves to experience learning from every experience. We make our meditation practice our life. There are no boundaries between sitting on a cushion and being in the subway. Wherever there is resistance or contraction, there is learning possible. Whenever insights occur, there is learning happening. We take refuge in the Sangha. The sangha represents a non-verbal connection. In a silent retreat, often people feel close to others even though they don’t have a clue about their stories. Sangha gives us a practice to open our hearts and be authentic and vulnerable. We can practice letting go of any boundaries and protection that we carry with us. Within the sangha, awareness of openness and gratitude grows so that we can begin to feel the times when we close ourselves and our barrier comes up. We become attuned to the joy of living without that protection and become curious about how the Dharma can help us live without contraction. We gain more courage as we watch all the other Buddhas in the world. We can’t separate the three. The sangha is a place of Dharma. The sangha is a place of Buddhas. All sangha members are inspiration to each other and Buddhas. The sangha is the Dharma sharing the path and its challenges with each other. They are interconnected into such an amazing gift.
Approach each day with amazement, wonder and gratitude. After all, what have you done to earn the inconceivable gift of life? What a gift to be able to breathe air. When one contemplates the process of air, there’s an appreciation for how oxygen is continually manufactured by natural processes through trees, plants and other forms and breathed in by other life. Carbon dioxide breathed out, activating the process again and the conversion into life-giving oxygen. A dance in nature of give and take, with each giving the other life. And you are one of the recipients of that gift. On average over a lifetime a human will take 670 million breaths. How many are you aware of? And with each of those breaths you are sharing molecules with all the living beings that have come before… dinosaurs even! We live on a little rock hurling through space at approximately 300 miles per second! That rock revolves around a sun that is just the right size to warm the rock without burning or freezing it. That rock has an atmosphere, water, and soil. The sun isn’t exploding or imploding as some do. We live inside one of two trillion galaxies! How amazing! In Michigan right now, there is color everywhere. Of course, there always is - multiple shades of green, brown, blue. Right now, the added colors of yellow, red, orange and mixes of colors everywhere. And sometimes those colors are set against a blue sky or the more common platinum colored skies of Michigan. Birds are moving this time of year. The gift of music fills the air if you listen, especially near bird feeders and trees. The antics of the chickadees and nuthatches, the bossiness of the starlings and blue jays and the multitude of juncos and sparrows can be a joy to watch. Look to see. Do you wake up, go through your morning routines, have breakfast, plod into your daily activities and forget to be aware of the life thriving around you and in you? In the pressure of the news and all the little things that show up to irritate you, have you forgotten that you are living a gift? Yes, sometimes life gives us what we do not want. And still there can be moments of awe, of curiosity, even of gratitude. This moment is a gift. How often do you stop with amazement, wonder and gratitude at this gift of life?
