The Paradox of Yes and No
Carol Blotter • February 8, 2026
Sitting in the center, we serenely watch Yes and No chasing each other endlessly.
"The Master is not trapped in opposites. He sees that life becomes death and death becomes life, that right has a kernel of wrong within it and wrong a kernel of right, that the true turns into the false and the false into the true. He understands that nothing is absolute, that since every point of view depends on the viewer, affirmation and denial are equally beside the point.
STOP!
Please consider that paragraph. This is defining the paradoxes of life. A paradox challenges common sense by presenting two opposite ideas that might both be valid or reveals a complex reality. When we truly realize that no statement, thought, or idea is absolute, there can be a softening of holding onto one idea of a paradox. Maybe an openness to hear a potentially different or opposite view may arise. Maybe we can listen with less judgments and filters.
The Tao teaching continues:
The place where opposites are not in opposition to each other is called "the pivot of the Tao." When we find this pivot, we find ourselves at the center of the circle, and here we sit, serene, while Yes and No keep chasing each other around the circumference, endlessly.* Taoist Teaching
That “pivot” is the transcendence of the two sides. (Imagine an equilateral triangle with the two bottom corners holding the two ends of the paradox and the point over them represents the pivot, wisdom.) And from that wisdom, action arises. We are not denying action; we are trying to allow that action to arise from a wider view and a more open heart.
The next time you find yourself tensing around a point of view, I hope you remember the graphic above and smile. Maybe a smile can help find the pivot.
I love the parable of an elephant and three blind men. I’m sure you all know it. Each man touches a different part of the elephant and describes it based on his limited perspective. One touches the leg and declares an elephant is like a tree trunk. Another grabs the tail and “knows” an elephant is like a rope. The third holds an ear and says an elephant is like a fan. Each is “right” from their perspective. People argue and fight over what is true. They fail to acknowledge that their individual "truths" are only part of a larger reality. Their truth is not the whole truth. To grasp the whole truth, an integration of different viewpoints, experiences and perceptions helps. When we hold on to a single, narrow view, we are unable to see reality clearly. Being curious and listening to other’s views opens our own vision. For example, someone did something unskillful in the past and you don’t like them. One action does not make the whole person! Do you approach them as if it does? It’s not to condone behavior but perhaps to be willing to open to a different view. Or you meet with friends from the past. Not only do you have different memories of the past – each of you having highlighted a different piece of the event in your minds – but also you hold different expectations of each other in the present. How can you see who is in front of you while holding onto a view of the past? How often do you approach the next moment with true clarity? In Pali, the language used to document the Buddha’s initial teaching, Vipassana means “seeing clearly”. It’s more than just mindfulness or sitting meditation. It is also investigating the true nature of all phenomenon; impermanent, unsatisfactory and not-self. It’s understanding the role that feeling, perception, memory and thought play in coloring reality. And so much more. Ultimately, seeing clearly is often more than just Buddhism. Many other traditions offer different strategies to see the truth. The truth is multi-faceted and the integration of other paths can help deepen wisdom. A daylong meditation retreat offers an opportunity to investigate what might be coloring your view, to name one “elephant” that might be obscuring your sight. At the same time, the retreat space offers time in nature to enjoy the woods, a lake and quiet spaciousness. It offers a time to refresh ourselves and as the mind quiets, we can see more clearly.
Silence is something that comes from your heart, not from outside. Silence doesn’t mean not talking and not doing things; it means that you are not disturbed inside. If you’re truly silent, then no matter what situation you find yourself in, you can enjoy the silence. - Thich Nhat Hanh “Silence is not merely negative – the pause between words, a temporary cessation of speech – but, properly understood, it is highly positive: an attitude of attentive alertness, of vigilance, and above all of listening.” - Archimandrite Kallistos Ware “We need silence, not to escape from ourselves but to know the foundation, the roots, the tendencies of our true nature. There is in us a zone where noise and tumult have no place, and a zone where everything reverberates. When we try to return to the inner, vital zone, it is not to cancel the noise. We do not make use of our moments of collectedness as a retreat. Inner silence is comparable to a light that reveals what is in the shadows, reveals our mechanicality. When we deeply relax, our attention unglues itself little by little from our preoccupations, our identifications. It moves, gropingly, toward the zone of silence… During the experience of inner silence, if thoughts appear, they pass as if upon a screen. Our emotions are short-lived movements that do not carry us toward externals. Our moments of inner openness are linked to the silence.” - Alphonse Osbert “Do not worship silence, but that to which the silence leads.” - Tom Rothschild “Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself. - Herman Hesse
Dukkha is a Pali word that is usually translated as suffering. It covers a wide range of experiences from slight irritation through boredom to extreme cases of suffering. The Buddha, in his teachings, emphasized the cause of dukkha and the release from dukkha. One way to look at the cause of suffering is that we want this present moment to be different than it is and our thoughts about that desire become a story. Our stories of what did happen, what is happening and what we want to happen color the present moment; the stories color reality; they color our true heart. We aren’t present. If something is beautiful, we may not appreciate it fully. If something is hurtful or unpleasant, we react from emotion and memory instead of moving towards what we value in life. We believe most of our thoughts and stories and aren’t even aware of how often we think of them. We are so addicted to thinking that we don’t even know when we are doing it. And we are causing ourselves suffering each time! My suggestion? What worked for me was super sticky Post-It notes all through the house that say, “STOP YOUR THOUGHTS NOW”. Trust the possibility that the thoughts will lessen. As they do, the mind isn’t so full. Our hearts can arise to see and lead us into new ways of interacting with the world. Meditation helps, not only the formal practice but an informal practice every waking moment. Stop, breathe, continue - and notice the thoughts stopped.
The Buddha encouraged his followers to take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. Refuge points to a time to rest and take a breath. It’s a time to rejuvenate and gather the strength to step back on the path, to take the next step. It’s a place to feel safe, to feel heard and to be authentic. We take refuge in the Buddha. Not in the man but in all those who are awakened. They are everywhere and we don’t know it because they don’t act any differently. They work, eat and sleep just like regular people. The only difference is “Buddhas” realize their identity with the ultimate reality while most do not. We take refuge because they demonstrate that this is possible for each of us. Every person can do this. They give us hope, courage and clarity. We aren’t idolizing or worshipping them. We learn from their lives, their presence, their speech, and their teachings. That learning isn’t work; it just rubs off on us as we allow ourselves to drink from the deep well of Presence that they embody. We take refuge in the Dharma, the teachings of the Buddha and others. The teachings arise in our thoughts and behaviors and inform us how to see clearly. They help us learn to break through the many stories and illusions we hold. We see that those stories are not essential to who we truly are. In taking refuge in the Dharma, we open ourselves to experience learning from every experience. We make our meditation practice our life. There are no boundaries between sitting on a cushion and being in the subway. Wherever there is resistance or contraction, there is learning possible. Whenever insights occur, there is learning happening. We take refuge in the Sangha. The sangha represents a non-verbal connection. In a silent retreat, often people feel close to others even though they don’t have a clue about their stories. Sangha gives us a practice to open our hearts and be authentic and vulnerable. We can practice letting go of any boundaries and protection that we carry with us. Within the sangha, awareness of openness and gratitude grows so that we can begin to feel the times when we close ourselves and our barrier comes up. We become attuned to the joy of living without that protection and become curious about how the Dharma can help us live without contraction. We gain more courage as we watch all the other Buddhas in the world. We can’t separate the three. The sangha is a place of Dharma. The sangha is a place of Buddhas. All sangha members are inspiration to each other and Buddhas. The sangha is the Dharma sharing the path and its challenges with each other. They are interconnected into such an amazing gift.
